2018 was one of the hardest years of my life. it drove me out of the chaos that was 2017, but it catapulted me into the realization that I had to grow up – and fast. i couldn’t hide behind who i thought i was and i knew i couldn’t run from the mess i had created.
so end of 2018 and 2019 had been me rebuilding a bit. falling on my a** more times than I like, but in that still – doing it. moving forward and moving on.
but what it brought me with is the crash and burn of what isn’t.
like my body not so much free of stretch marks at the same time my bank account finally looks like someone who works – one causing a panic attack, the other causing cheers of celebrations.
my heart this year took a pause in the love department, with full realization that i have no idea what i’m looking for, or with that, who’s looking for me.
i traveled like crazy, saw the beaches of Hawaii (which is on my Bucket List), worked out way less than i intended and grew more professionally and personally that i ever thought possible.
i worked harder than i ever have, in the same vein awakened to the fact that change is coming and it’s necessary for me to well – find me again.
i made mistakes, but i’m more honest with myself & those i love than ever before. i don’t want to run anymore and i don’t want to hide from the fear of the possible pain of my past rearing it’s ugly head.
i can’t wait for 2020.
i’ll be honest, for some of you it brought joy and hope and healing and all things #blessed – and truly i am so happy for you. for me, it was the year, of what i truly believe, is the year ‘in-between’. the in-between of what was and what will be. it was necessary, but it’s not at all where i’m planning on staying.
i already feel revitalized and hopeful and empowered than i have since honestly, early 2016.
life can be hard and i also know some tough times are ahead, because they are for all of us. but what i also know is that because life is short, and days and years seem to go by faster, that all i have is what i know now.
and what i know is that i have no idea what is to come, but whatever it is – it’s only up from here.
but before I go into 2020, here’s a look at some things i’m grateful for each month of 2019…some amazing, some hard – all my life.
- January – Dad’s Alive, Staycation in Frisco
- February – Said Goodbye to Papa, Hello to CA Trip for Cynthia’s Wedding (Stayed with Jordan/Matt)
- March – Utah & Hawaii Vacation
- April – Company Summit in Palm Springs, CA, Trips to McLean & NYC for Work
- May – Off the Rails Country Concert, NYC Trip & Trip to See Cousin in HTX
- June – Housewarming Pool Party & Hometown Country Concert
- July – BFF Weekend Getaway (at my house) & Bars of Summer
- August – Randall King Concert, Volleyball Tournament
- September – Koe Wetzel Concert & Charlie’s Birthday
- October – Cowboy’s Games, Jordan Bach, Ranch Bash Country Concert & 31st Birthday
- November – Thanksgiving & Jordan’s Wedding
- December – Cowboys Rams Game, Social Team Party, Secret Santa with BFFs, Christmas at Home
xoxo – here’s to 2020
jess
jessica m. pittman 
Love you.