Many of you clicked to read this blog thinking you’re going to get a 10 step lesson on how to pray for your future husband. You can stop reading now, because that ain’t gonna happen.
I’ve always been told I was confident, yet intimidating. Charming, yet obnoxious at times. Loving, yet blunt more often than I should be. With every compliment, there was a correction of sorts. And don’t get me wrong, those corrections were not far off. To each strength we are given, there is times when these can be off-balance and hurt us and others more than they are helping.
And so for years, I prayed for my husband with all this in mind. The quirkiness of my personality and what others had told me I needed, mixed with my own wants, and then peppered in there was a few holy prayers straight from God Himself.
And then a couple months ago the Lord started whispering into this area. Softly at first, then a bit more firmly due to my consistent inability to be a stubborn pain in His…yep, anyway. Eventually I listened. And I ordered this book.
Now, don’t get me wrong – this at first was not something I was giddy about. Frankly, I don’t get giddy about much – but this? A corny book on how to pray for my husband? Yeah…no thanks.
But then I realized something, through all the good intentions of others and my own fleshly wants – I wasn’t even really praying for the husband I wanted God to provide. I was settling and praying for a man that was good enough and who fit a mold truly rooted in insecurity and fear.
And like so many other times in my life, through the past few weeks of just being obedient and trusting the Lord through the uncomfortable – I’m starting to see a few things.
Most of my life I’ve led. I’m a natural leader – and I don’t say that arrogantly, because by all means you carry your baton – I say that with acceptance. I’m choosing to walk in the calling God has given me – through the testing, the trials, and the temptations – I genuinely want my life to matter. And well, I’ve realized that the best way I can do that is be the best version of me I can be.
And this me is not a shy, timid woman. I’m bold. I’m naturally confident, but sometimes shamefully hidden. I’m loud in most cases, soft when needed, and in all sense of the phrase – honest to a fault at times. I was made for something more than just to sit behind someone and watch them walk out their calling. And I say that not to sound like a feminist, but to share my heart that I genuinely was made to be in the game with my husband, than on the sidelines just cheering him on.
And in and because of this, I realized that who and what I was praying for in a husband was actually rooted in fear and pride. Fear to ask for what I really wanted due to if I never ask, then I never have to be disappointed, right? And pride in the fact I think I know what I need to begin with.
And tonight, as I was going through another chapter in this book – the Lord spoke. The real root of fear in my life is that I never actually believed God would send a man that could lead me or more than that, would want to. One that could inspire me, challenge me, and more than all of this – naturally empower me just by one look at him.
Because of the lies that I believed I was ‘too much‘ for too dad gum long, I had carried these doubts into my prayers and every time I was praying for him, I was actually already doubting that He existed at all.
And my guess is, if you’ve read this far down, you’ve believed a similar lie. A lie that tells you who you are isn’t enough or is too much. And my friend, though I don’t have the man to show you physically – I’ve got the confidence of the Lord telling you and me both that we’ve believed more in a doubt than a promise for far too long. I’m not too much and neither are you – we’re enough for the man that’s willing to dive in deep and stay for the long haul. And frankly, those guys I think just take a bit more time to bake than others.
So tonight as I pray for this man. As I lift His heart to the only One who can truly protect, heal, and lead it – I’m choosing to believe in the promise that the bold, confident, leader-esque man of my dreams is not only real, but a promise that will not return to me empty or void.
And I’m choosing to believe the same for you too, my fellow single gal.
Here’s to us becoming the best version of ourselves we can be in the waiting, so when our promise does come – we’ll be better suited to receive him wholly and confidently, not doubtfully for fearfully.
all for Him,