A question I’m asked if not once, at least twice a week – on average. And again that’s average.
“How are you still single?”
“Why haven’t you found anyone?”
“What are you looking for?”
And I get it. I really do. I’m semi-successful, independent, confident, attractive, and mostly put together. I understand the confusion. The same way some people find it “appropriate” to ask married couples when they’ll have kids. Or asking dating couples when they’ll tie the knot. I get it. We all “get it.”
But just because we get it, doesn’t make it right.
I’ve been answering that question with a shrug and a light-hearted chuckle for about four years now. When I graduated college and moved to New York City – nobody asked me about my love life. But then when I moved back to Texas – and though my job + responsabilities continued to increase – surprisingly, so did the questions of my lack of a significant other.
And again, I get it. I’m “supposed” to have someone to go home to every night. I’m “supposed” to be focusing more on my family than a job or career right now. Boy do I get it. But guess what, that’s not me.
Nor will it ever be.
To answer the question, I’m single first and foremost because God wants me to be. And no – that isn’t some oversaved bull**** – it’s the facts. If I was supposed to be dating or married by now – I would be. But the fact that I’m not, is by God’s grace alone. And to those astounded at this notion – let me fill you in on a secret that I feel could change the way my generation and the way the one before me and the one behind me operate…
My identity will never be defined by the presence nor absence of a man.
Am I a feminist? No. Not in 21st Century world – no. However, am I thankful for my ‘singleness’ – yes, so freakin much. Do you see, this is the time when I get to find out who I am, what I love, what makes me upset, why things irritate me, gives me time to heal and also the time when I realize where I want to go and who I want to be.
So, why am I single? It’s really quite simple – 1) because I choose to be 2) because I’m not settling.
Though I desire marriage, I’m not waiting for it. We have no idea when our life on this side of Heaven will end – therefore, I don’t want to waste a single second waiting on what could be or will be.
And with that, I pray you don’t either. And please, for the love of all that is good and holy – please stop asking me and all your other friends these questions, too. Again, we get it – but the light-hearted chuckle won’t last for long.
all in love,