What If…

“What if I fall? But darling, what if you fly?” – Unknown

The two words most women probably say or think at least 20 times a week. And usually start with a “Well…” before the fateful what if.”

We’re analytical beings. We think, we overthink, and we even think about how much we overthink – which for that one, I don’t even know what you call it. We’ve been called crazy, neurotic, and downright insane more times than we should. Because honestly, the way we think and how we process was given to us by God Himself. He knew how complicated we would be. But He also knew that when that beautiful moment of divine clarity comes after sometimes months of muddy waters of ‘what ifs’ and sleepless nights of question after questions, scenario after scenario – we’d be better for it. And so would those around us.

We’re committed to do what’s right. We’re passionate, loyal, loving, and fiery human beings. So what begins with a what if, usually ends with a step into clearer waters of sanity rather than the aforementioned.

The what if is really just our way of figuring out what we really want. And damn, don’t we all want to know that secret. We’re all just trying to find out why we love so hard, why we like who we like (and don’t like who we probably should), why we are good at this and not that, why our life doesn’t look like the one’s next to us, and mostly – why we’re here.

All the questions usually come back to identity and purpose.

We as women, we’re wired to determine those two questions about ourself. And to be honest, you know when you have met a woman who has figured out even one – and both? Well, she’s a gem and you should keep her. 6774a55576a4e1b7882bb321e9f969fe

So why a blog about the ‘what ifs’ of life? Well, because those two words have frequented my thought life more than I’d like to admit recently. But as I mentioned above – it’s beginning to lead somewhere clear.

What if I get hurt, but wait – what if I don’t? 

What if I am supposed to move, what if I’m not? 

What if it will always be this way, but hey – what if it won’t?

What if it’s him, what if it’s not? 

What if this is me running – or, what if it’s me choosing myself for once?

What if I don’t go through with this, but what if in 10 years I look back and wish I would have?

So many questions. So many prayers and just ramblings with the Lord. Doing my best to be honest with myself and get to the root of each one of these. And then it hit me.

And not even in the rest of the questions – it was in the what if itself. Starting any question with a what if is me trying to assume or take control of a situation, person, season, opportunity that I honestly have no control over at all. And that’s the root of it. Not just for me – but I think for all women.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it…” Genesis 3:6a

It started with Eve and the fall. As most sins do (all of them, that was Christian sarcasm for you). It wasn’t the fruit she wanted. I honestly don’t even think the tree the Lord said not to eat from had a special kind of fruit – I think the same fruit could have been available to the one to its right. (That’s a sermon in itself right there, folks.) But she didn’t want the fruit…”and also desirable for gaining wisdom.”

She wanted to know what she was missing. She wanted to…just know.

And well, Eve – girl thanks. Thanks for bestowing on women everywhere the innate need to know. To understand. To make sure we’re not missing out on anything. (And every man said Amen.)

The fact is, I’m not denying it. It’s beyond true in my life – and any girl that denies some relation to this, well pin a rose on your nose..because it’s probably the size of Pinocchio’s. We all just want to know. So we say what if until we fall asleep at night hoping and wishing, by some miracle that God will let us in on His secrets.

And you know what? Sometimes He does. But what do we do with what He gives? We ask for more. We take the nugget He gave us and run with it. More whys, hows, whens, and the never ending “But God, what if ___.”

So this blog really isn’t to give you some quick fix to stopping the what ifs from playing in your mind. It’s to ensure you that 1) you’re not alone 2) there is clearer waters available.

Don’t swim in the muddy waters of constant questions longer than you have to. At times, be realistic. In other times, be optimistic. God is a God who desires to give us good gifts and ones that bring us joy, peace, comfort, and immeasurable love. Sometimes we just have to step away from the white board of what if possibilities and trust Him to let Him surprise us. And ha, what do you know – it’s all about trust.

Who knew – maybe there really is a fix in this blog, just probably isn’t going to be quick for any of us.

xoxo

jess

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