a point in my life when things seem to find their place. a place where comfort and reality can find a common ground. a point where the pursuit to chase, to find, to perform – well, it just isn’t an important anymore. a place where friendships have turned into family and family has turned into friendships. a point where drama just isn’t accepted and patience and grace is expected. a place where the reflection in the mirror isn’t necessarily better, but the person in it is. a point where perfection is given its final resting place, and acceptance is received, rather than rejected.
all of these things that make up who i’ve become. an age that seems so in-between my former to my future. an age where i thought i would be one place at the same time, so thankful to be where i am. i’m finding comfort in the pace i’m going. the pace of fast and furious some days and slow and sluggish on others. this age is so daunting on days, and so child-like on others.
i still find myself dreaming of ‘what i’ll do when i grow up,‘ yet at the same time day-dreaming of Easter’s with my Granny who’s gone and Friday night lights beneath the west Texas skies. it’s like this growing up catches up with you on days you least expect it, and then on days you more than expect it.
like today. like tomorrow.
i don’t know where exactly i thought i would be at 28. but i look around me now, and i can’t help but smile. why?
because i’m not where i was.
a girl that statistically shouldn’t be here..but i am. a girl who became a woman. a woman who though she isn’t perfect, genuinely desires to love people well, to make a difference, and to ‘leave it all on the court’ as a past coach of mine used to say. i want it all to mean something, you know? i want who i am and what i do to matter…to leave an imprint.
so as i enter this year, i look back on this past year. the ‘golden year.’ the expectation and anticipation i had for this year last year, well it’s kind of humorous. a year ago i didn’t know that a few months in i would face one of the hardest seasons of my life. a year ago i didn’t think i would have actually finished that book, or fell in love with that guy, well…then out of love. a year ago i didn’t think i would have traveled to another country, ran a 1/2 marathon, or be moving yet again.
a year ago, i didn’t know. but now I do and i’m choosing to learn from that this year.
i don’t know what 28 holds. i have an idea that it’ll surprise me more than any other year in the past, but there is no promises. it could be just a full year of the same job, the same friends, the same-ish routines. and you know what? that’ll be okay.
but if it’s not, that’ll be okay, too.
here’s to making it to 28. here’s to the good, hard, amazing, difficult, and wonderful years that i’ve lived. the ones that took and gave, loved and betrayed, and in the end created the woman i now am. a woman who’s finding it more than okay to be herself, yet excited to not become someone else – but yet, a better version of herself. each day. loving myself more. laughing even more. and choosing – regardless of the day, the circumstance – to believe in the God who has proved the impossible and promises immeasurably more.
here’s to 28.
fully expecting. fully releasing. fully embracing.