dear my mom friends,
you probably opened this because you know me, because why would a mom open a blog from a random single chick? so let’s say even if you do know me, you pretend you don’t for the next four minutes – that work? or maybe you actually don’t and you saw it says ‘mom friends’ and you’re looking for any type of encouragement – so you thought why not. well cool, thanks for giving me a go.
i want to talk to each of you as…well, me. a 27 year old single chick who’s been in too many weddings and now having to make an Excel document for all my friends with children to make sure i pair the right kids name with the right parent (friend).
you laugh, but it’s true. was talking to a mom friend of mine today, and she has three boys and I had to double-check that i knew all their names. because how awful is it to forget the name of some of your best friend’s children? pretty awful.
but i digress to the meat of this blog. i want you to take a moment to remember who you were before the kids, before the schedules, the lack of sleep, the poopy diapers and never-ending laundry pile. and maybe even some of you can go back to who you were before you were married. or even if you are a single mom, before the man that made you a mom came into your life.
who was the you before your name went from _____ multiple times a day to, mom?
i see you all. i watch and i do my best to learn what y’all need so i can pray. because though there are many things people think about ‘singles’ that i don’t agree with, the one thing we do have really is time. time to observe and notice a few things. time to see things you might just haven’t, well because if your eyes aren’t on dinner for the evening, it’s on birthday parties to plan and kids running in and out of the house – maybe not even fully dressed if you’re honest.
i get it. well, i at least notice it. so here are a few things i wanted to write just for y’all – my mom friends. to encourage you. to inspire you. to hopefully empathize with you. and may even while you’re reading – the Holy Spirit speaks and says things i might not say. because, though you spend your time helping, loving, serving, leading, and giving all you have – God is standing in the gap to do the same for you.
1.though your name may now be ‘mom,’ your name to God is still _____ : you are not defined by who you have conceived. though those beautiful kids are a huge portion of what you do, who you love, and why you feel purpose in this season – they are still not in fact the full definition of you. though they can say sweet things and even sometimes listen to you the first time you tell them to clean their room – they can’t fully fulfill all your needs, but God can. he knows you personally and completely. read psalm 139 and read it like you mean it. like you know it. like you trust in it. you are speaking identity into your kids everyday, but who is speaking it into you? get you those friends who you can be real with. savor those 3 minutes you have of silence and ask God what HE thinks of you. this will be your lifeline on those days when everything seems to break but the kitchen sink.
2.nobody is doing better at motherhood than you, they’re just doing it differently : i see you all. you even look at each other’s baskets in target (while still wearing the same pair of athletic clothes for the second day in a row, because your laundry is not priority). you wonder if what another mom is saying, doing (not doing), wearing is better than you. and you scroll through social media only to see the DIY that you’ll never have time to accomplish, the kids crafts that look like museum projects and your kid’s can’t sit for longer than 2 minutes, and the moms that have bodies that just seemed to have no repercussion from the ‘damage’ you feel yours is left with. you see other wives loving their husband, having enough time for dinner and a little something something following date night – while you wonder if anyone else feels bad for just wanting to be alone and sleep (even maybe disappear) instead of
anything else. but you never say anything because then you’ll be known as the one who couldn’t hang. i see you. you are enough. you do enough. you say enough. and on the rare times you might fall short (because we all do), know it’s okay. and honestly, your kids will probably learn more from seeing you falling, acknowledging it and owning it, and then asking for forgiveness for it than they would if you were as filter, picture perfect as social media likes to make you think others are.
3. don’t believe the lie, your dreams do matter : if i could get across one final thing in this blog it would be this. though this season looks a lot like you’re last and the rest of your family, house, bills, and all things Frozen are first – to God, you’re still His #1. He still knows the desires of your heart – that although you may be living the fulfillment of some of them – there are still those yet to be lived out. still dreams that are stuck in the attic of your heart waiting for their time to come. and i want to be the one to tell you – to stand in the gap alongside God Himself and say – they will come. though you have chosen to steward well the beautiful gift of motherhood, God has not forgot those deep and personal dreams of yours. i don’t know what they are for you – maybe it’s running a marathon, traveling to Europe to go backpacking, writing a book or speaking to a group of women, or maybe it’s owning a business or serving with a non-profit. whatever it is, know that if God gave it to you – He’ll bring it to be.
i write all of this to hopefully demonstrate my love and appreciation for you. because what you do really does matter. and i’m watching you (in the least creepiest way possible…) and your openness is giving me insight on how to pray and prepare for my future season of motherhood. your willingness to live life transparently, is giving others the ability to live life free of thinking there is such thing as a perfect mom.
may you know how much what you do today matter. but may you know even more than who you are is seen, loved, and admired. and though right now you may quote kids movies better than you can scripture – you’re not a bad christian, mom, wife, friend, or anything else the enemy wants to say you’re failing at.
you are a good mom. you are a loving wife. you are a supportive friend. you are a honest woman. and though you feel your life is ‘on hold’ in some areas – God hasn’t forgotten those ‘held’ parts of your heart, and neither have i.
so next time you go to target and you feel the need to compare, don’t. next time you ask your husband to watch the kids so you can get away for a couple hours and you still feel like a failure, don’t. next time you get a couple moments alone and you ask God who you are and what He’s calling you to, listen and trust. His timing is perfect. His will is set. His heart is FOR you. And though you feel like your heart + needs are last priority most days – you are still first priority to Him.
thank you for leading the charge for me. thank you for pouring into the generations to follow-us. i’ll be needing one of you to tell me a few of these things one day. or maybe God will send a young 27 something single woman to me and help encourage me, because i know God’s good at those kind of things.
love you all
a future mom friend