two months later

“Jessica, I wanted to call and let you know that we have sent your offer up to the financial department. I will have it in writing within 48 hours…”

it was exactly two months to the day that I got let go from DRH that I received the voicemail above.

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who knew that two months could hold so much. who knew that I had it in me to keep going, to continue to push past the pain and the hurt and trust God when He said that He would work it all out for my good.

i know i didn’t. on March 12th – two days following my departure, I wrote this on an Instagram post…

“She sits as she feels led to share even the painful moments like these, because she knows that in the midst of her brokenness – others may need to know the truth too.
So, here I am sharing not only the highs of my life – but the lows. The valleys that will be the beginning of a new mountaintop.
And one that when I get there, I’ll be able to share just as boldly because that’s the beauty of the Gospel – we share in the cross, but we then get to rejoice in the resurrection.”

so here i am, sharing and rejoicing with all of you.

i can’t help but think of what my life would look like right now if God wouldn’t have stepped in. if i would still be at DRH or if I would have ended up leaving or not.

what i do know is what God did within the last two months is more than I could have ever imagined.

i found myself, friends.

i fell in love with the story that God has given me. the messy. the unique. the beautiful. the transparent. all of these parts of me make up who God has called me to be. i can’t imagine my heart anywhere but where it is at.

ready to heal.

open to reconcile.

committed to change.

hopeful for full redemption.

joyful in attitude.

i could have given up. i could have let the lies the enemy told me define these past two months. but thankfully, because of Jesus and Godly community, the enemy didn’t have a chance.

did i find out i struggle with commitment? yes.

did i find out i might not know how to love well? yes.

did i realize my fear of marriage and even intimate friendships? yes.

did I fear another job, with another failure, with another look of disappointment staring at me in the mirror? yes.

but…

did i commit to running a 1/2 marathon and do it? yes.

did I voice my heart to preach and teach to the Lord and did he answer? yes.

did i sign up for counseling to begin a deep healing process that will positively affect my legacy? yes.

did i network and launch a personal website / garner clients to do business for? yes.

the fact is, friends – it’s all about perspective. the last two months began as to be one of the hardest seasons of my life, but they have ended to be one of THE most revelatory seasons I’ve every known.

Photo Credit: Katie Faith Photography
Photo Credit: Katie Faith Photography

I’m starting over…again. but yet, i’m not really. i’m beginning again because this is all just a journey of finding ourselves anyways, and being courageous enough to own it. well, that’s what brene is teaching me anyway, so i’m gonna go with it.

thanks for reading. thanks for loving me. thanks for believing in the power of new beginnings, too.

may you be encouraged that whatever it is you are praying through, whatever you are waiting for – He has a plan. He has a purpose and though it’s hard to see past the current film of unknown – may you trust in His character even when you can’t see His hands.

“I remain confident of this: I WILL see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:13

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