A Love Letter to Myself

“…the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.”

“…a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”

Confidence…

is something so rare. It really is. Something that few find in their lifetime. Why? Because we never ever feel we are enough. Especially in today’s world. With the look, life, and luxury of someone else’s life within a scroll of your finger – how could we even possibly feel confident in who we are, where we are, and what we have.

It’s almost an anomaly to think that someone can actually be completely and whole-heartily content in their present day. I’ve talked with hundreds of people in my lifetime (let’s be honest, probably more) and all of them always talked about one thing – what they were doing today to prepare for tomorrow.

And I admit, I am a big believer in preparation today leads to fulfillment tomorrow. I don’t know who said that, but if no one has – you better quote me on that one. But in all of my life I can honestly say I haven’t been where I am now.

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Fully alive. Fully confident. Fully vulnerable. Fully hopeful.

Fully…me.

Yes, do I still wake up and wish I would have woken up a little earlier to work out or read my bible a little longer, or maybe I could have saved more than what I did this month, and oh did I give enough to the poor and needy? There is always something. But what if, just for a moment – there wasn’t? 

What would you say to yourself? Would you give yourself a pep talk or a beat down? Would you rally the troops (metaphorically) or would you tell everyone to take off their armor and go home.

Though this might sound silly to you – whether you know it or not, you are doing it on a daily basis. Every morning you get up and you scroll through your social media and you peer into the visual lives of what some deemed ‘social-worthy‘ posts and you dream of ”what ifs” and “if only’s” you are beating yourself down and before you even make it out of bed in the morning, your spirit is already ready to disarm and go home.

So, in an effort to ‘rally the troops’ per se, I want you to write a love letter to yourself for 2015. What would you say to yourself about…

  1. Where you are…
  2. Where you’ve come from…
  3. Who you are…
  4. What you have…

I promise – it will enlighten you more than any ‘self-help’ book ever could. The confidence (cue Demi) you’ve been trying to find scrolling on social media, reading Fitness magazine, or watching Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is right inside of you. It really is.

I wish I could take each of you to coffee and tell you what I’m about to tell myself. But what I’ve realized is that I can’t believe in you, for you. You have to believe in you for you first.

Neither a man, an outfit, or a new pair of shoes will give you the confidence that is truly available within you.

And before Satan even tries to lie to you to say that, “of course this girl would say this, she doesn’t know, hasn’t gone through, or wouldn’t understand” bullsh*t of excuses, I’m here to say…

I do know.

I have gone through it.

And I do understand.

I’ve battled with my weight since I can remember, so much so I hid eating disorders until it almost was too late. I’ve been rejected by men and even into a club because of my height and weight. I’ve had friends talk behind my back and not believe in me. I’ve been abandoned by a parent and understand what it’s like to not really know what ‘family’ looks like. I’ve scaped month-to-month on finances before and still feel like I’ll never pay off my student loans. I’ve been prophesied that I’ll lead and teach, but some days I don’t even feel qualified for any of it. I’ve scrolled through social media wondering “why not me” and “really, even SHE is engaged?” I spent many years trying to impress people around me, instead of just being me.

So many things I have done that stole the God-given confidence that the Holy Spirit was so desperately trying to give me. And now, my friends, I’ve found it.

I found the love for myself that I always knew was there. I have so much to work on, but for a moment, I’m going to practice what I preach and write myself this love letter. The letter to rally up the troops and take back the control from the enemy and hand the baton of encouragement back into the hands of God Himself – the one who deposits the truth of who I really am each day. The One who, though I’ve messed up royally at times, has never once left me. But more so, chased and pursued me. And my friends, what could build more confidence than finally realizing we’re worth being chased by the King of Kings?

So – here’s my love letter to myself, I pray it encourages you to write your own. And for once – stick it to haters and the Hater himself….

“Hey there HAWT stuff,

Wow, look at you go. A girl from a small town actually making it in the big city. And let’s just take a moment and praise the Lamb for you outgrowing that tom-boy stage. How in the world will people believe you majored in fashion when you show those pictures? Who knows, but at the same time – WHO CARES. You’ve made it. You passed so many tests, you walked through a few oceans, and still – you smile. 

You didn’t take your life that day and now you get to encourage and help others find theirs. You know what? I’m proud of you. And all those times you thought you were alone or nobody saw you – well, now you are fully seen. Do you see it? God loves you so much and so many times He’s given and given to you – even when you didn’t even see it. 

I’m really excited your joining Camp Gladiator, I think it will be really good for you. You know, you really are athletic and Satan always tries to make you feel like you’re not. But girl, you got this. You were made to physically, spiritually, and mentally be fit for battle. So, you go girl. Don’t let the enemy lie to you. 

You were made for this time. You feel like you’re overwhelmed right now, but girl – God has been preparing you for this. You were made to speak, teach, write, preach, travel, and serve. It’s in you. You were set apart for this time, and my girl – don’t forget who you are. You are His. You are beautifully, feminine. Wonderfully loved and adored. You are forever treasured and loved. You are held and protected, and every single thing the Enemy tried to steal from you – God is restoring. He has reclaimed you. 

So now, great job in 2015. Way to keep going. Got rocky there in the middle, didn’t it? It’s okay – every year will have waves – but you’ve learned how to maneuver in them – or more so, how to let go and have faith that the God who sent you, will go before you and protect and provide for you. 

Let’s go into 2016 ready to kick devil butt. Don’t look back. Keep going and moving forward, and remember – you are so loved. So stay confident in this, you will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Now that’s a promise that you can confidently stand on.” 

Now, it’s your turn…

xoxo

jess

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