The title, I know. It got you here. But fo real – ladies, we gotta talk about this.
I love being a women. I really do. The fashion, the emotions, the fact we can’t go to the bathroom alone – I love it all. What I don’t love is when we are pushed into a stereotype that we are supposed to ‘be’ a certain way.
So why do we do it to men?
Recently, the story of Tim Tebow getting dumped by a former Miss America is making headlines. And you read that right, HE got dumped. Everyone is saying this will be a problem for him, and has been before, moving forward in dating. And why?
Because He wants to wait for marriage to have sex and the women he dates do not.
Over the past few months, and really I guess couple years, I’ve had this knot in my throat about this subject. For a long time I was convinced I would eventually hear somebody talk about it – but no, not in the past two years. And though I haven’t heard every Christian woman speaker or teacher or podcast or Periscope there is – I venture to say it doesn’t yet exist.
So instead of keeping the knot in my throat, I’m gonna talk about it.
Women struggle with sexual sin just as much, if not more, than men.
Though men are visual beings, women are emotional ones. We need to be needed and wanted. Though we can go into a long list of insecurities that stem from that very sentence, I don’t want this blog to get lost on that. Our identity should be rooted in who God says we are and who He is to us. And that is the battle. When your identity is not set, anything else can grab your attention, desires – and eventually, emotional dependency. Even sex.
I’ve been leading women’s bible studies since I was 19. And since then, there hasn’t been one bible study where at least 3/4th of the women didn’t struggle with masturbation, pornography, or sexual temptations in general. Myself included.
I won’t go into any details, because those aren’t needed nor appropriate for a blog post. However, it needs to be said – and if anything, spoken about.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Matthew 5:8
Yes, men can drive a lot of sexual conversations and even actions – but women, we start it. We wear what we wear, do what we do, and say what we say when interested in the opposite sex to garner their attention, emotions, and sexual drive. We desire that – and honestly, we get a kick out of being the ‘one in charge’ of it. If you disagree with me, then you have yet to read Genesis 3 where Eve chooses to ruin the world, because of what? She wants to be in control and know it all. I know, sucks – right?
Why write this blog? Am I attempting to demean women? Heck. No. I write this blog in an effort to help the brothers out and give the ones like Tim Tebow who are doing what they feel called to do by giving my girlfriends a picture of ‘walking a mile in their shoes.’
We are all called to walk in purity – of body, heart, mind, and soul. In that scripture, it doesn’t say ‘just men‘ or ‘just women.’ No, that scripture is specifically referencing us human beings in general.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
So, the next time you hear someone talk about how ‘disgusting guys are‘ or ‘disrespectful’ for being sexually driven, I challenge you to stop the conversation, or even more so ask a few questions – to yourself, or those around you.
Is what he is doing or has done triggered by something I did?
Did I wear something that could have tempted him in a way that could have been bypassed?
Is the way I talk and flirt edifying or tempting?
What are ways I have struggled in this area?
How can I better understand why he said or did that?
Now ladies, don’t take this to a place I’m not traveling. If this man is not a Christian or desiring to live a lifestyle that is honoring to the Lord or morally honoring to women in general – you can’t compare him to a standard he isn’t choosing to live. A ‘Christ-like’ mind is only set for those who choose Christ. We can’t hold someone who doesn’t choose Christ to that standard. Therefore, you will meet men that don’t desire to honor or affirm you. Who genuinely want nothing more from you than a flirt or a ‘quickie.’ And those men, well they don’t deserve my time or word count.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
But the men who are choosing daily to honor Christ with their heart, soul, mind, and body – and who daily submit themselves to the sanctification of Christ? Those men – they deserve for us to stand up for them. To change the conversation from those who point fingers – but join hands in prayer and battle together.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
Our would isn’t going to stop being sex-driven – it’s everywhere. But we – as men and women who daily do our best to choose the Gospel over temporary satisfaction – have the opportunity to choose grace-led conversation, rather than condemnation and stereotyping the male gender for something we ourselves struggle with just as much.
“Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood And has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the LORD And righteousness from the God of his salvation” Psalm 24:3-5