I’ve seen and heard of too many situations where miscommunication and lack of knowledge were the culprit for disagreements, hurt feelings, and misinterpreted direction.
We’ve all been there, when we just wish we knew what the heck guys meant – and ladies, I have guy friends where I’ve seen the aftermaths of the above mentioned as they show up to me with disheveled hair, lost eyes, and desperate to understand – “what the heck did I do?”
I can write this blog freely and unapologetically because me, myself, and I have been the said females giving guys the run around. And mostly because, at the root of it, they were trying to figure out someone who hadn’t yet figured out herself.
So, do I have myself figured out? Mostly. Do I think I know it all? Absolutely not. But what I do know, have learned, and continuously witnessed might be just what you need, men (or women if you find yourself confused even with yourself).
What You Think is Platonic Conversation – Is Heart Talk to Us
We are only natural, platonic sharers with our own beings – other women. We can share bathroom chat, pull fallen hair follicles off of another women in line at the store, and even instantly cry just hearing about another female’s pain. It’s our gifting by God Himself. But, in no way, do we intentionally ever do this with a male without expecting something in return. Yes, at the beginning we may think it’s friendship – but let me tell you, you better figure out how to stick that arm out like a referee and claim #justfriends before it’s too late.
We don’t text first because we ‘randomly’ thought of something, no – we text first because we want someone to talk to us
We don’t really need to know what you’re doing for the day or even ‘how your day is going, no – we just want someone to involve us into their day
We are never actually in need of your manly advice – no, we texted you because we want YOU to BE SOMEONE for US.
It really is that simple – and yet, that complicated.
2. Don’t Assume We’re All The Same
Point #1 is the most needed, while #2 is the second most needed – hence why the order. You see, though we as women all go through the phase of finding our self, our identity, and our livelihood in Christ alone – we are all not in that stage.
Some of us have overcome – and honestly, some of us aren’t even there yet. But at the same journey – we really do know you’re there too. As we have to learn as women to not have checklists – you, as a man, have to learn to do the same for the women in your life. Don’t put them all in the same category – and more than this, don’t put any one of them out of any list based on past experiences.
3. Please – Think Before You Speak/Act
You have to know this by now – because unfortunately, you probably have failed in this. And don’t worry – so have we. But it really is important. Very rarely you will find a woman whose love language is not ‘words of affirmation.’ She loves to be complimented, but fears if she is not. It’s another work in progress area – but bears the affirmation of man to not define who she becomes – but affirms her on her journey there.
I know, I know, you guys you tick each other off, you punch it out – metaphorically or physically – and then you make up. Girls are not the same. We have to intentionally forgive, and then also – learn to forget. It’s why the scripture we are held to states that a Proverbs 31 woman ‘holds no record of wrongs.’ It really is not in our Spirit to ‘let it go,’ no – that is a trained character attribute of Christ that takes time, and unfortunately, practice.
4. Respect Us All – If She’s Not Yours, She’s His
The fact is, many women will come in and out of your life. Some will have longer roles in your life than others. And some, God even might have you to play a role in her life that is intricately woven into her story. What a beautiful thing for God Himself to trust you with a heart of one His most precious daughters. Count it all joy – and then, once you see this – ask God your place in her life. Ask God why she was put in your life. If you are attracted to her – ask God if she is yours. And wait for His answer. If you are not attracted to her, but you know God placed her in your life for a reason – even for just a season – ask God why. And wait for His answer.
Don’t text her to figure it out. Don’t get coffee to learn more about her until God gives an answer. Pray it out and get in the Word and then allow the Lord to lead you. Don’t ignore her in the meantime, but also – don’t play games with a heart. No one ever wins at that game.
This is respecting your sister in Christ. This is respecting maybe your one-day wife, but also – this is respecting the possibility of it being another man’s wife.
5. We Don’t Need You to Impress Us
Take care of yourself, yes. Allow the Word of God to penetrate your heart and show you where there are areas you could be a better man, yes. Worship the Lord and dig out that pride and insecurity that holds you captive to fear of man, hurts of your pasts, and fears of your future, yes. But please, for the love, stop trying to impress us with big words, trucks, muscles, bank accounts, careers, or Instagram followers. We really don’t care. We want a man that will be more concerned by how little he is compared to God, than what is or isn’t ‘big’ in his life.
We know you are a man. You don’t have to defend it to us anymore.
My dear brothers – I say all of this with an honest tongue (text), but with such a compassionate and gracious heart. I have had the pleasure of learning and growing alongside fine men of God because they knew these principles. But over the last few months, I have see these things above so evidently that it breaks my heart.
Young women, so engrossed by conversation without even realizing their acceptance of these men is based solely in their ability to give them (temporary) attention.
Young men, with hearts, minds, and bodies so insecure that they outwardly exude confidence, but inwardly are crying out for love and acceptance.
I pray that as you read this – the Holy Spirit gave you an insight to a current situation, healing in a past one, and hopefully for us all – wisdom for future ones. We are God’s kids and He desires healthy community for us all – and I believe clearing up the fog might be the first step to achieving it.