To My Sister

“That’s the best thing about little sisters: They spend so much time wishing they were elder sisters that in the end they’re far wiser than the elder ones could ever be.”

– Gemma Gurgess

Dear Jenn, 

photo 2 (2)You’ve asked for a long time for me to write a blog to you, but I knew it couldn’t just be something I did because you asked. And I think you knew that too. Because we’re sisters, so rarely will I do anything you ask of me the first time. Right? I want you to know first and foremost, though others may read this blog, this post is just. for. you.

You will be 23 this summer and honestly, I can hardly believe it. It’s crazy that it’s been almost 9 years since we have lived in the same house. But then again, I don’t think we think about that a lot because we both know we could never live together again. But even though we haven’t lived together, or even in the same city or even state at times, we have been through so many different things in those 9 years.

If anyone knows, they know that we share few qualities, interests, or hobbies that are the same. You love children – like with your whole heart, and I think they are alright. You enjoy wrestling and I would rather be knocked out than watch it. You can rap music that I can’t even understand and I two-step to music you won’t even allow to come through your car speakers. You find certain males attractive and then there is me, singing “Cowboy Take Me Away.” I love all things gold and you love all things silver. You hate chicken and rice and I can’t eat red meat. You can yell at a creep that is staring to long in Wal-Mart and I take the first opportunity to run to a different aisle.

We couldn’t be more opposite even if we tried.

But then there are these rare conversations where for a moment, I forget that we are opposite. All the personality traits and interests fade away in the midst of a moment when your ‘adult‘ shows. The things you have been through have shaped you. They have pruned you into not just a little sister, but a friend – a companion – and a co-laborer together. 

Last year when I found out news of a past friend’s engagement and my heart was crushed to not be apart of the excitement, I’ll never forget what you said…

“Jessica, if he is not in your life – he is not supposed to be. And he doesn’t deserve anymore of your tears.” 

If I’m honest (which you know I usually am), that rocked me and my tears literally dried up. Because it was at the point I saw you not as my little sister, not as the one who would fight with me on who’s turn it was to ride in the front seat or where we needed to go for dinner – but as someone who truly cared about me. 

I think it’s easier for siblings to forget the companionship that is ‘given‘ to us by the Lord. Out of all the people in the world – He chose to make us sisters. But yet, in the midst of calling seats, counting Christmas presents to make sure they are even, and yelling through bathroom doors to ‘Hurry Up!” – I think we forget the gift that sisters truly are. Friends from the start. 

He knew way before mom and dad that we would be opposite. He knew it all and yet, he still chose us to be sisters. Which shows me – there is a reason for it. And I think in the last year – we have both realized that. And so today, I do write to you as your sister – but also, as someone who truly cares about you too.

You have a heart much larger than mine. Which is why I chose the quote above for you. The way you feel compassion, sympathy, and empathy for people is a gift that reminds me of Jesus. You choose to see people for the better, even when nobody else believes in them. You choose to ask questions instead of assume. You choose to research before gossiping. You choose hope over discouragement.

You are a lover of culture, music, and sports. You are the ‘cool’ one and that is for sure. I still try to talk as cool as you and I just sound like an awkward white girl trying to be cool – which then I am obviously not. You are never scared to speak your mind. (Though we are learning the where and how to do this, right?.) You have a boldness that is like nothing I have ever seen, and then still your compassion wins over every time. You have seen, heard, and endured things that I know we would have never chosen or would choose for anyone, and yet you still choose to say – “Jess, I’m ready to become someone.” 

And Jenn, I am here to tell you, you already are. You are the someone you have been fighting to be. And yes, do we all have things we need to work on and better choices we could make? Yes. And I believe you will continue to learn that. And during that learning – you will become an even better someone than you ever imagined.

Because Jenn, this is just the beginning.

I want you to know that I pray for you constantly. And that from the start, I have asked the Lord to give you strength and courage when all seems lost. That you would find love and find joy. And that no matter what our past may say about us – God has our future. And just as we listened to this song countless times after watching ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’ growing up – our story is still ‘unwritten.’

So, my sister – one of compassion, kindness, love, and passion – write your story. Live your dreams. Don’t let the choices that others make, the voices of the naysayers, or even the doubts of the enemy in your own head stop you from ‘becoming someone.’ 

I love you and I today, I toast to you. Here’s to the countless chapters ahead of us. I can’t wait to live them out together – but I call the front seat, okay?

xoxo

sissy

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