C L E A R Eyes, F U L L Heart, C A N’ T Lose

1213-20121015-ClearEyesCantUse It’s a quote from one of my all-time favorite TV series. And the funny thing is, the story line comes from a town just 45 miles to where I spent the first 19 years of my life. It’s based on the highs and lows (let’s be honest – a lot of those in high school) of a small town whose main love language is football, football, and more football. I title this blog this not necessarily in reference to the TV show – but more in reference to how this three part tagline represents so much of my life right now.


20’s are hard. Has anyone ever told you that? Well, if you’re 19 – get ready. If your 29 – honor to you, you’ve made it. Every single day something tries to steal the clarity of my eyes. Whether it’s looking back wondering what I could have done better, said nicer, or started sooner. And then there’s the days where a telescope to my future is all that I seem to be looking for. Because if I know what’s coming – maybe I can prepare for the hurt in advance, right? Wrong. Because very rarely am I actually expecting good to come – what I’m honestly doing is trying to prevent the hurt and minimize the pain. So, as I said – 20’s are hard. We’re looking to move on, make it, and prepare all in the matter of a 24 hours span. And that’s where I’m at – doing my best to decipher the difference between learning from my past, relishing in my present, and preparing for my future.  This leads me into a spiral of asking crucial internal questions to myself and more often, to the Lord. The questions on the daily can be simple– or deep and especially thought provoking ones:

  1. Is this where I am supposed to be, God?
  2. Was that the right way to say that? Did I offend that person?
  3. Should I say ‘yes’ to this or ‘no,’ because I know I don’t’ have another night open for two weeks.
  4. Should I really spend money on this?
  5. Did I drink enough water today?
  6. Is he mine or not – because I can’t waste time anymore?
  7. Am I encouraging my friends enough?
  8. Did I clean my bathroom this week?
  9. Whose birthday is this week – should I send them a card, or will I see them?
  10. What do I need to get at the store?

All of those usually come up at 12:23AM when all my body really wants to do is sleep and my mind won’t stop and my eyes are anything but clear. Can you relate? I’m seeing your hand fly up right now – I know, I get it. But even though we all can relate that we do it – can we all relate that it’s unhealthy? (Many hands might have gone down on that one.)

“Give your ­­entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34

You see – God never intended us to stay in our yesterdays (not even our thoughts); and He definitely never intended us to try and skip ahead to our tomorrow. It’s not how He designed it, and I think I know why – it’s EXHAUSTING. Just re-reading that list of questions above makes me tired. And I’m tired of being tired. So, my heart for this section is that revealing it, praying about it, and then submitting it – God will begin to restore the clarity of my eyes to not be on yesterday or tomorrow – but on the light of today.

F U L L Hearts

How can you be so busy trying to do all that above – but yet still, be so gosh darn happy? I have no clue. But it’s true. (See that rhyme there.) But really – I look at where I am at right now and all that God has done in my life – and my heart is so full. I can’t begin to explain to you the goodness of my life. There really is no end to it. 2014 was a r o u g h year to say the least. It had lows in it that I didn’t think I could get out of. From unemployment, to parents’ divorce, to mom’s breast cancer, to heartbreak after heartbreak – I honestly didn’t know if I would make it out sometimes. I honestly remember waking up one morning and just asking God, “Please, just help me survive today.” My prayer life shrunk from needing a hour quiet time to 15 seconds. I didn’t know how, why, or even what – I just knew who. And you know what, I honestly believed that is how I got here.

I took a step back and realized that the how, why, and what’s of this life will always change, always surprise, and never ever fully come when or how you expect. So, in those times – whether in good or bad – you have to know who controls it all.

And with that lesson – I have learned to keep my heart full, even when life seems empty. Even when my schedule is packed, my body is tired – my heart remains full; because I know that at one point, all I would have given was to have a busy schedule and a full heart.

C A N T Lose

And all of this leads me to this – I’ve never felt more alive and empowered. After the valleys of last year – I believe the training period is over and the race has begun. Doors have opened and after much prayer and consistent, patient,  steadfast, obedient motion forward – I fully see how God is and about to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask or imagine.

I have never felt more in touch with what God is doing in my life and what He is able to do if I continue to listen, pray, wait, and obey. And the best part is, I’m okay with making mistakes. I’m not okay with making them over and over again – but I am okay with the lesson that comes from falling. You see – as mentioned, 20’s are hard. Every six months something changes – career, family, friends, relationships, living arrangements, church life, and schedules. So, you never really know how to handle the things that you have never walked through. Right? What I always tell my friends in regards to communication (when I say something I shouldn’t, but then don’t know I said anything wrong until they tell me) “You can’t know what you don’t know.” Choosing to be naive is one thing; but actually being naive, that’s not a mistake – that’s just an opportunity for God’s grace to intervene. Who knew that a tagline from a favorite TV show could be categories for my life? Well, I guess it matches everything else in my life – unexpected goodness. So, wherever you are in your life – I pray that you find the unexpected goodness of every season. Ask the Lord to help clear up your eyes and focus – remind you of blessings that have or are coming so that you can realize how full your heart is – and then, just encouraging you to fight the good fight and not give up.




xoxo jess


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