No Words

Some days are harder than others. Never are we promised to be able to know the answer to everything – and most of us would chuckle because we know this isn’t the case.

To put this blog in perspective, my take on life right now consist of one phrase:

I don’t know what to pray anymore. 

My heart aches some days. Don’t get me wrong, I live in joy, but there is a difference between joy and outward happiness. But, in the moments when life seems to overwhelm me, I don’t have words. Sometimes I sit in silence, sometimes I sob as my hands are lifted in praise, and sometimes, I just cry and pray that God would know my heart.

What is in my heart?

My hearts desire is to be the daughter of the most High King who loves His people well, who stewards His money well, and who follows His commands well. I fall in all of these areas, but God’s love, with His unexhaustive grace, consumes me each and every time I come to His feet, even with no words. Why is this?

When you can’t find the words, you show your desire by an action. 

My actions:

  1. I remember all the beautiful and wonderful ways He has provided miracles in the past.
  2. I ponder on what exactly I did and how this was or was not apart of God’s divine will for my life.
  3. I fall at His feet. 

How does God respond? 

His actions:

  1. He took my place in death knowing all the horrible and selfish mistakes I would make.
  2. He bore the cross, painfully, gruesomely, and willfully. 
  3. He rose, conquering death and any chance for the enemy to ever have full victory in my life. 

He rose to proclaim that love wins. That no words were necessary to destroy death, only action. No words were needed bring life, only action. He rose for me to see that my actions today, even though painful and brutally humiliating, will be the remembrance of me for my children and their children and all those apart of my life.

My actions will be remembered. So, when I can’t find the words, I act, or when I can’t even do that, I ask God to help me act.

I did this today and He took me to this scripture. It covers it all. The truth, the victory, the power, the grace, and the abundant love that reminds me that, even at my worst, He loves me still.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

So tonight, at my college worship night, I will stand and know that these troubles are only momentary and that I have to hope in the unseen, for that is where God is working all things together for my good, because I love Him. Oh, how I love Him.

Those are words I can say – I love you My Beloved.

Questions to Ponder:

  1. What areas of your life do you are you finding yourself speechless?
  2. What areas of your life do you need to surrender at His feet?

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