The excitement leading up to my move this past weekend has been felt everyday since we signed the lease 25 days ago. Carly (the roommate) and I have had a countdown on our phones – and everyday I wake up to a text from her with a excited “Good Morning” and the number of days until move in. So with all of that, when the day finally came on Friday to begin – I was still so excited.
Fast forward to Saturday around 4:30 pm. I was not excited.
Though the beauty of entering my new apartment becoming more and more full of my belongings, the tiring route to get those belongings there was almost too much to bear.
“Just get up the stairs Jess, you can do it..I believe in you.”
The voice of God that kept me going. It was a rough weekend to pick to move – Easter – all of my friends and family had plans – so I got why no one could help – well I thought I did.
During probably step 1,000 that evening I literally collapsed at the top of the staircase – and with that also came a wave of emotions I did not know was present. I was so tired that Satan used that to attack. He attacked hard – with lies and stabbing scarred wounds.
I felt unloved. I felt alone. I felt completely weak and vulnerable to the ‘normal stereotypical’ affects of being 24 and single on a holiday weekend. I was the perfect target for Satan in that moment to lie to me and tell me that I had no real friends, that nobody wanted to help me, that I wasn’t pretty enough to have a boyfriend – therefore no strong men to help me move boxes. Satan knows my past, so he knows my weaknesses. A whirlwind of these thoughts filled my head, and then I looked up.
As soon as I saw the sun setting in the distance, Satan lost all power. This is God’s visible way of blowing me a kiss and giving me His hand. He knows me. He knows that seeing a sunrise or sunset is one thing that can stir my heart with joy and peace in an instant. There were days in my past when there were may more ‘staircases’ to overcome – and all I would do was go and sit on top of this mountain in my home town and watch the sun go down. I have a spot everywhere I live – just so I can see it and be reminded. I even had one in New York City where buildings cover most of your view – I found a way to see Him.
In that moment, God reminded me that I wasn’t alone. That I was loved with an incredible passion. That I would not always be physically alone – but that right now He had given me the legs and arms of just enough strength to get through these 1,120 stair steps. That I had gotten through way more and that no matter what – He would be there to catch me when I fell.
I pray you find your romance with God. I pray you realize that this relationship with God is just that, a relationship. He desires to woo us and strengthen us in our own personal ways. This is how we keep our faith active and living – when we realize God is actively living all around us.
In 1,120 stair steps I finished with sore legs, really sore arms, but more importantly, a renewed romantic love for my El Shaddai.