As I was driving back from the gym at 6AM, this song came on the radio. I couldn’t help but pull over and listen…yes before you judge, it is country, all the jokes that go with that can now commence…
I came up out of the water
Raised my hands up to the Father
Gave it all to Him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
I have changed. It wasn’t necessarily a gradual change at first – more like immediate. The Lord literally took hold of my heart and mind and asked me, is this the life you want to live?
Have you ever been there – a crossroad that you will always and look back and say – That is when it happened!
Walked away eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
It didn’t matter where I’d been
I’m not the same man(woman) I was then
Sometimes I wish I could take it back, the three months before December 25th, but I can’t. I can’t go back and change my yes’s to nos, put words back into my mouth, or even close up wounds that have already been made. What I can do is let go of the mistakes and learn from them, apologize for all the words and let time heal what can’t be undone – and most of all, let the wounds heal and turn into scars of lessons learned.
I got off track I made mistakes
Backslid my way to that place
Where souls get lost, lines get crossed
And the pain wont go away
I hit my knees now here I stand
There I was now here I am
Here I am, changed
While those months were hard, the past month has been full of changes, revelations, and new beginnings. I know some things will never be the same and some things will gradually fall back into place – but yet never the same still. It’s a world of change we live in. I am 24 and my life looks nothing like I thought it would. It continues to take my breath away each and every day. I look to God each morning thanking Him for another day to wake up and have another chance to make a difference and begin again. (T-Swift cliche = Done)
My life has changed. It took a crossroad of my Heavenly Daddy stepping in and saying..” My daughter, I love you too much to let you go, I love you too much to see you in pain, and I loved you enough to set you free before, so please, let me do it again…” – though it was crumbling, humiliating, exhausting, and painful – it was the best road I have ever taken.
I’m changed for the better
For smiles that’s bitter
I’m even starting to forgive myself
Yes I am
This year my them and motto is #Change2013 and #Perspective. I want to change – I want everyday to be different than the one before. I never want to be satisfied that I am enough or that I have learned, grown, become, blessed, or encouraged enough. I want my eyes to see the perspective through different lenses. I want to see how big God is and not focus on the unknown burdens ahead.
I have always shared my life and stories because I know that I am here for a purpose. A purpose to share with you that you are not alone. I don’t know everything – at all, I don’t have it all together – hardly, and I will never be able to completely understand each of your situations – nor could you with me. BUT, we have a book that guides our life and the Holy Spirit that gives us a connection to encourage and uplift. My encouragement is to tell you that no matter where you are, in the mud of the dirt and grime of a bad situation – wanting a way out of the mud but still finding yourself sitting in it – or just realizing you are at the same crossroad; I want you to know that you can do it. I did it.
I am not fully healed, but I am fully forgiven.
I changed after the crossroads of choosing God’s will over my own. I can only pray I do that the rest of my life – I encourage you to do the same.